Église unie Summerlea United Church
225 50 Av, Lachine, Québec, H8T2T7, Canada. 514-634-2651
Bienvenue! / Welcome!
Sourire pour la santé
Smile for health Pages

Smiles (Laughs even) Are Good for your Health!

Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.

Smiles01 | Smiles02 | Smiles03 | |Smiles04 |

The Organist
Tombstone inscriptions
The Search
Misinterpreting
Fifth Grade History
More from Diane Goodyear
God is Watching
Church Bulletin Bloopers
English is...
More Through Children's Eyes
The Gospel According to the Younger Set
What Love Is - By Some 4-8 year Olds
Great Truths About Life
If You Can . . .
Kids Are Funny
Christmas Morning Golf
Quotes for Women
Younger Viewpoints
Bits of Wisdom
Children are a Blessing
Dear God
News for all Bakers
Bulletin Bloopers
From a Little Church in Kansas
Through the Eyes of Children
Creation of Children

The Organist
Forwarded by Jack Wallace of Burlington, Ontario
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Tombstone Inscriptions
Forwarded by Chris Foot of Richmond Hill, Ontario.
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The Search
Received from Donna Corbin Feb 26, 2003 (along with the news of her new granddaughter).
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Misinterpreting
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Fifth Grade History
The following are answers provided by 5th graders during a history test. They seem to know their history, but their spelling needs some work.
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More from Diane Goodyear
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God is Watching
Another forwarded by Mary Guynan
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Church Bulletin Bloopers
From the Summerlea United Church Announcements May 12, 2002.
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English is...
Forwarded by Wanda Ellins of Keswick, Ontario
Subject: 22 Reasons Why English is Hard to Learn!
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More Through Children's Eyes
Forwarded by Dianne Goodyear of Kingston, former Summerlea church secretary.
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The Gospel According to the Younger Set
This collection of comments about the Bible, brought to us by Len Moore, was reportedly actually written by children. Edited from Still More Illustrations for Youth Talks, by Wayne Rice, wayne@uyt.com.
Copyright 1999 by Youth Specialties, Inc., www.gospelcom.net/ys/mall/browse/#illus

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What Love Is - By Some 4-8 year Olds
A group of professionals posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds. "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
    - Rebecca - age 8

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth."
    - Billy - age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
    - Karl - age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
    - Chrissy - age 6

"Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad but you don't yell at them because you know it would hurt their feelings."
    - Samantha - age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
    - Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
    - Danny - age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss."
    - Emily - age 8

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
    - Bobby - age 5

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate."
    - Nikka - age 6

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
    - Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
    - Tommy - age 6

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."
    - Cindy - age 8

"Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken."
    - Elaine - age 5

"Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."
    - Chris - age 8

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."
    - Mary Ann - age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and she has to go out and buy new ones.
    - Lauren - age 4

"I let my big sister pick on me because my Mom says she only picks on me because she loves me. So I pick on my baby sister because I love her."
    - Bethany - age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."
    - Karen - age 7

"Love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."
    - Mark - age 6

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
    - Jessica - age 8

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Great Truths About Life
Forwarded by Heather-Anne Hubbell of Milford, England

Great Truths About Life That Little Children Have Learned

1. No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

2. When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.

3. If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

4. You can't trust a dog to watch your food.

5. Puppies still have bad breath, even after eating a Tic-Tac.

6. Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.

7. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

8. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

Great Truths About Life That Adults Have Learned.

1. Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

2. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

3. Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.

4. If you can remain calm, you don't have all the facts.

5. Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's acorn that held its ground.

6. My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.

7. One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of everyday, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

8. God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will live forever.

The Four Stages of Life

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You become Santa Claus.
4) You start to look like Santa Claus.
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If You Can . . .

If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,

If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,

If you can overlook when people take things out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can face the world without lies and deceit,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

If you can do all these things............

THEN YOU ARE PROBABLY THE FAMILY DOG.
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Kids Are Funny
Forwarded by Jan McConnell of Chateauguay
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Christmas Morning Golf
Forwarded by Dianne Goodyear from Rod and Norma Bryce (all formerly of Summerlea).
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Quotes for Women
Forwarded by Heather Anne Hubbell of Milford, Godalming, England
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Younger Viewpoints
(more from Glenn Funamoto of Trinity United, Rosemount)

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."

After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up."
"That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?"
"Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."

A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church service:
"And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash against us."

A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked.
"Why, God tells me."
"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"

A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered,
"Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"

After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied,
"That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!"

Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent.
"The flight to Egypt," said Kyle.
"I see ... And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus," Ms. Terri said. "But who's the fourth person?"
"Oh, that's Pontius-the Pilot.

The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
"No sir," little Johnny replies, "I don't have to. My Mom is a good cook."

A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!"
A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open, and the character would plunge through. The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place.
When the new actor announced, "I descend into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend.
One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled: "Hallelujah! Hell is full!"

Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year-old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered,
"If you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start over."
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Bits of Wisdom
Forwarded by Jan McConnell of Chateauguay.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
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Children are a Blessing
Forwarded by Alda Gieruszczak of Toronto.

You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your children.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like clearing the driveway before it has stopped snowing.

"There is only one pretty child in the world and every mother has it." - Chinese Proverb.

Mothers of teens know why animals eat their young.

I asked Mom if I was a gifted child... she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.

Children are natural mimics, who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

We childproofed our home 3 years ago and they're still getting in!

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home
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Dear God
Received from Glenn Funamoto of Trinity United Church, Rosemount.
A teacher asked her class to write notes to God ... here are some of the notes they handed in.
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News for all Bakers
The following eulogy is reproduced from the Summerlea Spring / Easter, 2001 newsletter:

Dear Friends:

It is with the saddest heart that I have to pass on the following news.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a slightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, HungryJack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, Captain Crunch, and many others.

The graveside was piled high with flours.
Longtime friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded."

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, as he wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, even as a crusty old man he was considered a roll model for millions. Toward the end it was thought he'd rise once again, but he was no tart.

Doughboy is survived by his second wife, Play Dough. They have two children and one in the oven. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

We hope this won’t have a detrimental effect on Summerlea’s wonderful pot-luck-suppers.
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Bulletin Bloopers
Ever vigilant to maintain the solemnity of our course and the need for total seriousness at all times, here are some selections from church bulletins:
                                                   Richard Lederer

   1. Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.

   2. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

   3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and
community.

   4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.

   5. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of
David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

   6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends
of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

   7. Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies
giving milk will please come early.

   8. Wednesday, the ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will
sing, "Put me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.

   9. Thursday at 5:00 P.M. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers
Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in
his study.

  10. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward
and lay an egg on the altar.

  11. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the
ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

  12. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost
of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet
will come forward and do so.

  13. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and
they may be seen in the church basement Friday.

  14. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.

  15. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is
Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

  16. The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the
choir will sing, "Break Forth With Joy."

  17. Today...Christian Youth Fellowship House Sexuality Course, 8 p.m.
Please park in the rear parking lot for this activity.

  18. During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of
hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.

  19. The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

  20. The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the
Rev. Shirley Green who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we
request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.

  21. The `eighth graders' will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in
the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to
attend this tragedy.

These bulletin bloopers were copied from the web site of:

Alan Altany
Associate Professor
Department of Religious Studies
Basic Humanities Program
Marshall University
400 Hal Greer Blvd.
Huntington, West Virginia 25755, USA
FAX: 304.696.2703
Email: altany@marshall.edu
Web Site: http://webpages.marshall.edu/~altany/
Religious Studies Department: http://www.marshall.edu/rst/

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Esther Anderson - From a Little Church in Kansas

A pastor went visiting one afternoon. He knocked on one door several times, but no one answered. He could see through the window that the TV was on, so he took out his name card, wrote "Revelation 3:20" on it and stuck it in the door. (Listen! I stand at the door and knock....)
The following Sunday, a woman handed him a card with her name and the message "Genesis 3:10".(...I was afraid and hid from you, because I was naked.)

Our pastor's annual sermon on "our bodies being temples of the Holy Spirit" forced me into some fast thinking on how to justify the 40 extra pounds I carry. I came up with two reasons:
1. If I decided to lose weight, I could seriously damage the fellowship and harmony of my church by not attending all the potlucks.
2. If the body really is the temple of the Holy Spirit, then what's wrong with having a really big temple?
(Adapted from "Eutychus", Christianity Today.)

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Through the Eyes of Children
E-mailed to Marg Lynn from her friend Alda Gieruszczak:
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Creation of Children
Received from Glenn Funamoto of Trinity United Church, Rosemount.
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