225 50 Av, Lachine, Québec, H8T2T7, Canada. 514-634-2651
Bienvenue! / Welcome!
PagesSmiles (Laughs even) Are Good for your Health!
Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.
Smiles01 | Smiles02 | Smiles03 | |Smiles04 |
Whales
Received 20031210 from Colleen Priestman of Toronto.
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A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it
was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even
though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher
reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically
impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah." The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him." |
Christian Chuckles
Received Jul 5, 2003 from Jack & Muriel Hill's daughter Carolyn.
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A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off and started running again. As she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late.... But please don't shove me, either!" Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem and they give him $50 for it." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, and they give him $100." The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And it takes 8 people to collect all the money." Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked. An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, and I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead." A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He said, "Call for help." The Sunday School teacher asked her class why Mary and Joseph took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied, "They couldn't get a baby sitter." At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife." Two boys were walking home from Sunday School after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad." |
More from the Young Set
Received from Donna Corbin Sep 24, 2003
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A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of
children while they drew. She would occasionally walk
around to see each child's work. As she got to one
little girl who was working diligently, she asked what
the drawing was? The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute." A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill." One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for awhile and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?" A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty." |
Angelic Antics
Received from Mary Guynan Aug 21, 2002
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The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he
moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?" My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied. A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? The Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?" A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd. While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine the crowd was near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear." One Sunday in a Midwest city, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!" And one particular four-year old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets." |
The Veterinarian
Received Nov. 20, 2003 from Arn Matthews
Dedicated to the Stewardship Committee
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Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her. "Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated. "Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and what I don't need I give to the church." The pastor replied, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?" The old lady said, "Oh, $20,000 a week.” The pastor was amazed, "Your son is very successful, what does he do for a living?” "He is a veterinarian," she answered. "That is a very honorable profession," the pastor says. "Where does he practice?" The old lady says proudly, "Well, he has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno." |
Smiles from Arn
Received Nov. 19, 2003 from Arn Matthews
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When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year
old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the
shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?" A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four." One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Jehosaphat! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes. |
Stamps
Received Nov. 16, 2003 from Grace Wuthrich
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A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?" The clerk says, "What denomination?" The woman says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists." |
Jesus' Nationality
Received Nov. 11, 2003 from ??
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Scholars have long debated the exact ethnicity and nationality of
Jesus.
Recently, at a theological meeting in Rome, scholars had a heated
debate on this subject. One by one, they offered their evidence...... THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS MEXICAN: 1. His first name was Jesus 2. He was bilingual 3. He was always being harassed by the authorities But then there were equally good arguments that....... JESUS WAS BLACK 1. He called everybody "brother" 2. He liked Gospel 3. He couldn't get a fair trial But then there were equally good arguments that....... JESUS WAS JEWISH 1. He went into His Father's business 2. He lived at home until he was 33 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin, and his Mother was sure he was God But then there were equally good arguments that....... JESUS WAS ITALIAN 1. He talked with his hands 2. He had wine with every meal 3. He used olive oil But then there were equally good arguments that....... JESUS WAS A CALIFORNIAN 1. He never cut his hair 2. He walked around barefoot 3. He started a new religion But then there were equally good arguments that....... JESUS WAS IRISH 1. He never got married 2. He was always telling stories 3. He loved green pastures But perhaps the most compelling evidence . THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A WOMAN ..... 1. He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food 2. He kept trying to get the message across to a bunch of men who JUST DIDN'T GET IT 3. Even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was more work for him to do |
Church Signs
Forwarded by Jack Wallace November 11, 2003.
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Have you ever...been driving down the road at 50 or 60 mph, passed a
church and tried to read the sign out front? Well, here are a few you can read while driving your computer and you won't run off the road trying to see them. "The best vitamin for a Christian is B1." Under same management for over 2000 years." "Soul food served here." "Tithe if you love Jesus! Anyone can honk!" "Beat the Christmas rush; come to church this Sunday!" "Don't wait for the hearse to take you to church." "Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case." "Life has many choices. Eternity has two. What's yours?" "Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due." "Wal-Mart isn't the only saving place!" "Preach the gospel at all times. Use words if necessary." "Prevent truth decay. Brush up on your Bible." "It's hard to stumble when you're down on your knees." "What part of 'THOU SHALT NOT' don't you understand?" "A clear conscience makes a soft pillow." "The wage of sin is death. Repent before payday." "Never give the devil a ride. He will always want to drive." "Can't sleep? Try counting your blessings." "Forbidden fruit creates many jams." "Christians, keep the faith -- but not from others!" "Satan subtracts and divides. God adds and multiplies." "If you don't want to reap the fruits of sin, stay out of the devil's orchard." "To belittle is to be little." "Don't let the littleness in others bring out the littleness in you." GOD answers KNEE MAIL! |
Bible Quotes
Forwarded by Burlingtonian Jack Wallace October 29, 2003
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The following statements about the Bible were written by children. They have not been
retouched or corrected (i. e., incorrect spelling has been left in). Some appear already on this
page, but they still bring a chuckle. 1. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off. 2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark which the animals come on to in pears. 3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. 4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals. 5. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. 6. Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients. 7. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments. 8. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. 9. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. 10. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol. 11. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him. 12. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. 13. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. 15. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta. 16. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. 17. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. 18. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels. 19. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. 20. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan. 21. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. 22. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony. |
Verge
Forwarded by Mary Guynan October 29, 2003
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A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus' mother's name?" One child answered, "Mary." The teacher then asked, "Who knows what Jesus' father's name was?" A little kid said, "Verge." Confused, the teacher asked, "Where did you get that?" The kid said, "Well, you know they are always talking about Verge n'Mary". |
Childrens Science Exam Answers
Forwarded by Diane Goodyear, October 8, 2003
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These are said to be real answers given by children on a science exam. Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q : What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U. Q: What is the fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section". A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome. Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. |
The Parrot
Forwarded by Donna Corbin, October 6, 2003
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Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they
discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You know how Mom enjoys the Bible and you know she can't see very well. I sent her a brown parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took 20 monks in a monastery 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for 10 years, but it was worth it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it." Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: She wrote the first son, "Milton, the house you built is so huge I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house." She wrote the second son, "Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home all the time, so I never use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!" She wrote the third son, "Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious. |
More Bulletin Bloopers
Forwarded by Donna Corbin, October 6, 2003
(We tried to pick only those not already on this page. - WBL)
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment and gracious hostility. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours." Our next song is: "Angels We Have Heard Get High." |
The Canadian Ark
Forwarded by Jane Cowell Poitras, August 18, 2003
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The Lord came to Noah, in Canada, in the year 2003. Earth was wicked and overpopulated.
The Lord instructed Noah to build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a
few good humans. "Here's the blueprint," said the Lord. "Hurry - in six months I start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights." Six months later the rain started. The Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his flooded yard - and no Ark. "Noah", He roared, "where is the Ark?" "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "Things have changed. I needed a building permit. I have been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I have violated the neighbourhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and the height limitation being exceeded. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision." "Then Transport Canada and the Department of Highways and Hydro wanted a bond posted for the future costs of moving power, trolley and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I argued the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of this." "Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls. No go!! I gathered the animals, but then I got sued by an animal rights group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. As well, they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in so confined a space." "Environment Canada decided that I could not build the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. The trades union wants me to hire only Union trades-people with Ark building experience." "To make matters worse, Canada Customs and Revenue Agency seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally as well as with endangered species." "So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years to finish this Ark." Suddenly the skies cleared and the sun began to shine. A rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder. "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?" he asked. "No", sayeth the Lord. "Your Government beat me to it ." |
The Atheist
Received from Donna Corbin August 14, 2003
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An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers!
What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he continued walking alongside the river he
heard a rustling in the bushes. Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was
closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped
and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to
take a swipe at him. At that instant the Atheist cried out: "Oh my God !" Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a voice came out of the sky saying, "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others that I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I! to count you as a believer?" The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but, perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice. The light went out. And the sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke, "Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly thankful." |
Who Should Brew the Coffee
Received from Donna Corbin August 6, 2003
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A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, " I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.......... "HEbrEWS" |
The Preacher's Wife
Forwarded by Grace Wuthrich August 5, 2003
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Gladys was the preacher's wife and accompanied her husband each Sunday
to Church. One particular Sunday when the sermon seemed to go on
forever, many in the congregation fell asleep. After the service, to be sociable, she walked up to a very sleepy looking gentleman. In an attempt to revive him from his stupor, she extended her hand in greeting, and said, "Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn." To which the gentleman replied, "You're not the only one!" |
A Catholic Horse
Forwarded by Grace Wuthrich July 30, 2003
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Mitch, a hard-shell Southern Baptist, loved to sneak away
to the race track. One day he was betting on the ponies
and nearly losing his shirt, when he noticed a priest who
stepped onto the track and blessed the forehead of a
horse lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, this horse -- a very long shot -- won the race. Mitch was most interested to see what the priest did the next race. Sure enough, he watched the priest step onto the track as the 5th race horses lined up, and placed his blessing on the forehead of a horse. Mitch made a beeline for the window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race. Mitch collected his winnings and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest bestowed his blessing on for the 6th race. The priest showed, blessed a horse, Mitch bet on it, and it won! As the day went on, the priest continued blessing horses, and they always came in first. Mitch began to pull in some serious money, and by the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick stop at the ATM, withdrew big money and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on. True to his pattern, the priest stepped onto the track before the last race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears and hooves of one of the horses. Mitch bet every cent, and watched the horse come in dead last. Dumbfounded, Mitch made his way to the track and when he found the priest, he demanded, "What happened, Father? All day you blessed horses and they won. The last race, you blessed a horse and he lost. Now I've lost my savings, thanks to you!!" The priest nodded wisely and said, "That's the problem with you Protestants. You can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and the Last Rites." |
Li'l Alex
Forwarded by Mary Guynan July 30, 2003
|
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the
large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with
names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The
seven year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor
walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, "Good morning,
Alex." "Good morning, Pastor," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque. "Pastor, what is this?" "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service." Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Alex's voice was barely audible, trembling with fear, when he asked, "Which service, the 9:45 or the 11:15?" |
The Haircut
Forwarded by Mary Guynan July 30, 2003
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A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a
minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study
and said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your
Bible a little and get your hair cut and we'll talk about it. After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your Bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut!" The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair...." To which his father replied, "Yes, and they walked everywhere they went!" |
The Bible Salesman
Forwarded by Grace Wuthrich
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A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial
troubles. By chance, while checking the church storeroom, he
discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and
distributed. So, at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from
the congregation who would be willing to sell the bibles
door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church. Peter, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task. The reverend knew that Peter and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some bibles but he had serious doubts about Louie. Louie was just a little local farmer, who had always tended to keep to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment. Poor little Louie stuttered very badly. However, not wanting to discourage poor little Louie, the reverend decided to let him try anyway. He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with bibles and asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday - which they did. Anxious to find out how successful they were, the reverend immediately asked Peter, "Well, Peter, how did you make out selling our bibles last week?" Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Peter replied, "Father, using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here's the $200 dollars I collected on behalf of the church." "Fine job, Peter!" The reverend said, vigorously shaking his hand. You are indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to you." Turning to Paul, he asked "And Paul, how many bibles did you manage to sell for the church last week?" Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, "Reverend, I am a professional salesman and was happy to give the church the benefit of my sales expertise. Last week I sold 28 bibles on behalf of the church and here's the $280 dollars I collected. The reverend responded, "That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is also indebted to you." Apprehensively, the reverend turned to little Louie and said, "And Louie, did you manage to sell any bibles last week?" Louie silently offered the reverend a large envelope. The reverend opened it and counted the contents. "Louie, there's $3200 dollars in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 bibles for the church, door-to-door, in just one week?" Louie just nodded. "That's impossible!" both Peter and Paul said in unison. "We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many bibles as we did." "Yes, this does seem unlikely," the reverend agreed. "I think you'd better explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louie." Louie shrugged. "I-I-I- re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered. Impatiently, Peter interrupted, "For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!" A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Louis replied, "W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks ---o-o-o-or--- wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you?" |